Wednesday, February 15, 2006

General Rules of Catholic / “Bible Christian” Dialogue

For those of us who dialogue from time to time with that particular brand of Protestants who adamently refer to themselves as "Bible Christians", and whose every waking hour is seemingly spent criticizing the Church (think Jack Chick), I've drawn up a few general rules to keep in mind so as to avoid any unneccessary misunderstandings...

1) Catholics must refrain from using derogatory terms for Christians of other denominations. Catholics may be called any name you like.

2) When a Catholic quotes Scripture, it will be considered "out of context". When a Bible Christian quotes Scripture, it will be considered "God's interpretation".

3) Catholics do not have the right to explain the meaning and context of Scripture verses. Bible Christians reserve the right to explain the meaning and context of Scripture verses.

4) Whenever a Catholic's understanding of a particular doctrine or Scripture is different than a Bible Christian's understanding, it is the general policy that the Catholic is rejecting God's Holy Word.

5) Catholics are not allowed, at any time, to employ the rules of logic. Bible Christians are allowed to fallaciously employ the rules of logic when they believe it benefits their argument.

6) If a Catholic either asks a difficult question or points out a fallacious argument of a Bible Christian, we will revert to rule #4 and determine that the Catholic is rejecting God's Holy Word.

7) Although Catholics accept and cherish the Bible as God's holy, inspired, WRITTEN Word, they will henceforth be referred to as "Bible Rejecters".

8) Under no circumstances will a Catholic be allowed to speak in an insulting manner concerning Bible Christian doctrines or beliefs. Since Catholic doctrines and beliefs are so obviously erroneous and anti-Christian, insulting comments about them seem only natural.

9) It will be assumed that all Catholics apologists have a hidden agenda.

10) The sins of individual Catholics in the world will be considered evidence for the apostasy of ALL Catholics. The sins of individual Bible Christians in the world will be considered the sins of individual Bible Christians.

11) When someone who loves the Catholic Church explains the Church's teachings, it will be assumed that their explanation is skewed and biased. When someone who hates the Catholic Church explains the Church's teachings, it will be assumed that their explanation is authoritative and unbiased.

12) Books written by pro-Catholic authors will be considered dubious and orchestrated deceptions. Books written by anti-Catholic authors will be considered the result of careful, scholarly research.

13) All historical evidence is strictly prohibited unless it seems to promote Bible Christian beliefs.

14) Scriptures that literally support Catholic beliefs will be understood metaphorically. Scriptures that metaphorically support Catholic beliefs will be understood literally.

15) Bible Christians are freely permitted to violate the law of non-contradiction (A and not A cannot both be true at the same time and in the same sense), especially if the contradiction seems to prove Catholicism wrong.

16) The writings of early Church Fathers and pre-Reformation theologians will be considered "the dribble of feeble-minded men"-- unless a particular quote seems to suggest a Bible Christian belief.

17) When the doctrines of Reformation leaders oppose Catholic doctrines, said leaders will be considered "heroes of God's Word". When the doctrines of Reformation leaders oppose present-day Bible Christian doctrines, said leaders will be considered "still under the influence of Rome".

18) If one Bible Christian disagrees on doctrine with another Bible Christian, he too will be considered a "Bible Rejecter", unless, of course, he is condemning Catholicism, in which case he will be considered a "true brother in Christ".

1 Comments:

Blogger Trent_Dougherty said...

LOL! For anyone who doubts that there are such people--obviously not the average evangelical--you should have seen some of the BBS's Frank and I posted on awhile back. I actually got banned for something like "excessive use of logic"!

Friday, February 17, 2006 11:06:00 AM  

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