Friday, June 02, 2006

Your Excellency, The Altar Boy

I notice with increasing frequency among persons promoting heretical and/or heterodoxical opinions-- be they former Catholics who got "saved" from the Church or an actively dissendent Catholic-- the tendency to couch their blasphemy de jour under the umbrella qualification of, "now I was an altar boy growing up, so I know what I'm talking about..." Or, "my husband was an altar boy, mind you..." I suppose in a few years, once they have become of age, a number of the "altar girls" of the 80's and 90's will make similar claims.

Apparently these folks are under the impression that serving at Mass is on par with serving on the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Pray tell, is there a special knowledge infused in the pre-pubescent mind of a young server who managed to stay awake almost to the end of the first reading? What profound theological insights are stirred in the soul of a 12 year old who can't even tie the shoestrings of the black Air Jordans he decided were sufficient dress for serving at the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass?

As far as I can tell, the lone criteria for serving at Mass in most parishes is advancement to the 6th grade-- that and perhaps an aversion to personal grooming. Yet apparently, this distinguished position renders one a life-long theological expert on all matters of faith and morals. Come to think of it, St. Thomas Aquinas likely served at Mass as a boy and he wrote the Summa Theologica. Joseph Ratzinger served at Mass in his youth and he became Pope! Maybe there is something here...


Blogger Trent_Dougherty said...

Say, wasn't John Kerry an alter boy?

I especially like the induction from all the great theological alter boys. It reminds me of this syllogism I use in my logic class:

1.Elvis was a man.
2. I am a man.
3. Therefore I'm Elvis.

Could so many alter boys really be wrong?!

Monday, June 05, 2006 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Frank Hogrebe said...

I wish I would have thought of the "Could so many alter boys really be wrong?" line. Classic.

Monday, June 05, 2006 10:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ya know....catholics are fucking whores that rape little children

Sunday, June 25, 2006 1:23:00 AM  
Blogger Trent_Dougherty said...

Bless you.

Heavenly Father, we pray for healing in the life of this person for the harms done to them or those they love by those within the walls of the Church. We repent that we have done to little to prevent those harms and pledge ourselves to greater vigilance in preventing further harms and healing past ones. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Sunday, June 25, 2006 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger CountryJoe said...

What is an "alter" boy? Is that somebody who works for a tailor? I was an "altar" boy growing up.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006 7:39:00 PM  
Blogger Trent_Dougherty said...

Dully noted!

(and yes, *that* one was on purpose!)


Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:32:00 PM  
Blogger aaron said...

Great call! Ah the dilemas when the generation of altar girls grow up.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 11:03:00 PM  

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